Another year came to an end, another will start which obviously will end too.. Its so sad and mundane..
sigh..
was going through all that has happened in this year, have been extremely happy, sometimes down in the dumps, sometimes so lonely that I almost tried ending my life.
Had some amazing fun with my friends/family, had huge fights too..
It has always been the extremes with me, I guess.. And then again I totally remain clueless today as of what have I gained, What have I lost? I didn't manage anything efficiently this year, nothing, time, my relationships, myself, my studies.. Did I waste another year of my existence?
I got a text from my brother asking what was my year like? good or bad? Did I learn anything? What do I expect from the year 2011?
I couldn't reply to him at all.. I don't know the answer myself. how has the year been? I don't know, mixed I guess, with all the extremities anyone can imagine. Its been good and bad at the same time. I learnt a lot this year, I learnt how deceitful people can be, how I always have to look closely to everything but then to contradict this thought of mine I also learned that its better to be in the illusion of something rather knowing the truth.. no matter how deceitful the other person is, have this thing in your mind that you are better off knowing the reality.
Have low expectations and again I contradict myself by dreaming big.
sigh.. What extremes, see again extremes..
No, not everything is this negative with me, there have been moments I will be reminiscing them as they are gone and will never come back, those stroll down the memory lane to relive those times I have been happy...
I don't know what I expect from 2011, I hope I do get into a good college in masters, I hope the people who are close to me remain close and never leave (obviously there's no guarantee to it), I hope everybody is happy and am happy too.
I don't know what all to ask for, I don't know what 2011 is gonna bring for me? Peace? Turmoil? Heartbreak? Gratification? Vacuum?
I just hope am strong & prepared enough for whatever it has in store for me..
All I can think of is this song... " Zindagi kaisi hai ye paheli haye.. Kabhi to Hasaye... Kabhi ye Rulaye..'(Oh what a mystery this life is, sometimes it makes us laugh, sometimes it makes us cry)
Amen!!
-- Dipannita Saha
