Questions and Suspicions.

A rape every 21 minutes. That's the current statistics of the heinous crime in our country. Somehow I feel it might be even more than that. No matter how scary that thought is, I still have to get out of my house everyday and return late in the evening. I am interning with an organisation, and that requires me to return home late, sometimes VERY late. In between frantic and worried calls, whatsapp messages and other things (yes too much communication is a menace), I return home. Safe and Sound.

It is not that the rapes, specially the brutal 16th December, has not affected me. It has scarred me. I have closed myself and I go into a shell whenever I'm in a public space. This shell thing is funny 'cause I go into a shell even when am in the Ladies Compartment. I keep myself guarded, it's like an emotional armor that am wearing (an armor I wish was metal and was more physical in nature). So from closely watching every guy I pass when am travelling to, keeping a blank face to hysterically panicking that am being followed, I do it all, every single day.

Is it just me? I don't think so, it must be every other girl in the country. Always thinking of worse possible scenario and keeping a straight-face-demeanor, that is me now a days. But it is not just my assumption that things are wrong right? I still get groped, or see girls being 'touched', or that slight brushing of the hands, I see it every day.

Why shouldn't I be guarded, why shouldn't I question every guy around me then? Who to trust? No it is not that I'm victimizing myself or am considering everyone as a predator and thus generalizing the entire 'breed' under the category of pervert. It is safe-keeping I think. I want myself safe, no matter what happens. Because mentality won't change, nor will the 'patriarchal society'. There will be more funds like the Nirbhaya Fund but it won't make a dent in the present situation.

I'm happy with my questions, my suspicious looks and considering every guy a jerk, instead of reciting the Saraswati Mantra or staying away from Chowmein as far as possible. Thank You!

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