As Random As It Can Be: sad

Showing posts with label sad. Show all posts

And time just runs away...

1:18 PM | Labels: poem, sad

And I wait for the clock to tick,
been sitting idle, making me all so sick.
The mundane routine just wont budge,
I only walk when given a nudge..

its been such a long while,
saw your twinkling eyes and your smile.
the phone wont ring, the texts wont come,
and i keep looking at the phone like a bum.

strange how you come back to me,
through songs and movies, I hear and see...
I dont even have a guitar I can hum my feelings with,
strings are broken and I can no longer breathe...

LOVE fizzes out they say, nothing is as it seems,
and time just runs away breaking all my dreams.

things falling apart in and around me,
words lost, people dead, nobody seems to hear my plea.
the smiles are fake, friendship long forgotten,
all essence lost, bonds seem stale and rotten..

Of all the silly fights and the long glances,
I remember the faces and all the nuances.
I fight with myself, crawl back into my bed,
brooding over the blood and tears I have shed.

Its all gone now, it was never meant to be,
we would have been happy if only you could trust me.

It was, is and always will be you,
wish had more words and i would have said it to you...

I have lost my all now, I don't know how to be me,
what all has become of me, if only you could see.

LOVE fizzes out they say, nothing is as it seems,
and time just runs away breaking all my dreams...

and time just runs away breaking all my dreams....

© Dipannita Saha, 2010

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THIS IS HOW IT BEGAN... a story of two friends deeply in LOVE...

1:13 PM | Labels: gibberish, sad, story

Over with her first unsuccessful, horrendous relationship, Ekantika just couldn't be anymore happy being single again. Its been a tough time for her to get rid of her EX, he was clingy, neurotic and impossible to be with, and now she was finally able to flush him out of her life.

Life was back to normal again amidst all the threatening calls from unknown numbers which she knew was obviously from those drunk menacing bastards trying to suck out the peace out of her life, everything was slowly falling into place. Signing up for cupid-struck.com wasn't just a normal thing for her, it was one of her numerous impulsive decisions (which would eventually lead her to some soup as usual!).

Ekantika was always this naive little piece of sunshine who had nothing in life apart from keeping herself and the people around her happy and of course apart from studying for her exams at the 11th hour, she was pursuing LAW or rather was trying to slog through.

Back to cupid-struck.com, she would hardly ever reply to any mails from any of those "too-desperate-for-a relationship-losers", she was losing interest gradually in that sordid online dating site, well thats Ekantika she could hardly hold interest in a thing for long!!

Of those numerous "cheapskate" as she would coin them, she would reply to one or two and finally finding out that those are of the same category of kids she despises. Guys were like kids for her, according to her innumerable fundas- "Guys are like kids, they are nothing but looking for a mother to pamper them and a new toy everyday to play with (though none of the guys she was friends with would ever admit that). Her funda remained the same, after the days loafing around, she would sit, login and would try to amuse herself with those "kids".

things changed when Advay first messaged her, it was nothing but a simple hello, and after talking for a few days and "critically examining" his profile almost everyday, she thought of finally adding him up to her gmail account.

It was not supposed to be a whirlwind romance or a romance of any kind at all, he matched her frequency, he was fun to talk to, he was like her long lost twin!! They would talk almost everyday, and he would be the first one that she would look up for whenever she went online. he was a nice guy, had a penchant for books and he used to write too, it was really surprising for her to find someone like herself.
It was on diwali that she first called him, just talking normal things, about how he's gonna celebrate and all, the festival lights had ignited a pretty strong friendship..

"YE TUMHARI MERI BAATEIN HAMESHA YUHI CHALTI RAHE"
Then started the extensive increase in both of their phone bills, they would talk for hours or text each other when not talking, whichever way they were always in constant contact. They were friends and almost becoming her first guy best friend (mind you, thats pretty rare according to her). she would tell him all the gossip in around her, all the bitching and he would do the same. Two people almost of the same personality talking all day long, it was as simple as that. starting from his tiresome torturing engineering semester practicals, to his stalking juniors, he would tell her all. she was becoming a part and parcel of his life. they lived far way from each other being in two different cities, distance never came in between their friendship. She would tell him if she got any bad calls from her ex or his friends, and he would promptly take some actions and provided her with a shoulder to cry on. She knew everything about him, he knew everything about her, there was hardly any reason to hide anything anyways.

destiny had something else in mind, amidst all those flirting, sharing things and infinite calls and messages they eventually started liking each other, and well obviously he proposed to her through a text (It was too sweet)." I have been having sleepless nights, and would continue having them till I tell you this I LOVE YOU, will you be my gal?" it read. Ekantika was shell-shocked for a moment, she had expected this sometime later but not too soon, she was in a fix, it has been just over 6 months since she had been in a relationship, and she thought it was too soon to get into one. but she liked him too, she replied him with mindless questions and her erratic excuses, "are you sure you are not drunk?" / "am too emotionally numb to get into a relationship now" / "do you want me to kick your ass?" / "I don't have much strength left in me" / "are you playing april fools' prank on me, its not even april, its december". he just said only one thing to all these statements, "I LOVE YOU, I really don't think anything else would matter", and after many 'tension-filled pacing down her room' Ekantika finally said yes to Advay.

They could make each other laugh, she could make him beg!! It was just perfect, those harmless flirting were growing serious in nature!! They would chat till their fingers pained, talked till their mouth went dry but their conversation would never be put to stop!!
She was really falling head over heels for him despite of numerous distractions starting from professor's son to her next door neighbor to the cute guy in metro she saw daily to her friend's brother. She managed to stay with him. Months passed just perfectly and Advay gave a surprise to her by visiting her on her birthday. It was all so special, flowers candles, love... and they made LOVE for the very first time... she was dead sure this relationship was surely going to last, they grew even more closer and his visits to her town became even more frequent.

They would roam around all the time, laughing, watching every damn movie, checking every food stall (well sometime that resulted in frequent visits to bathroom!!) they were the best friends who were in love, and who's friendship grew every minute, who's love grew every second.

and so grew the age old pregnancy scare, you leave two people deeply in love raging with hormones alone, that is supposed to happen. but nothing affected them (she wasn't pregnant!!). she would inspire him to write, he would coax her to study, all went well.
there were frequent fights as usual, and frequent was the sorry session and the smiles after that. He aced his campus placement job (he tried all his jokes there too, and despite of him believing he won't clear it and Ekantika's undying trust on his sense of humor and obviously on his capabilities) and temporarily shifted to her town till they called him up. they would meet up with their friends, do nonsensical chatting, disturbing people around, they were just inseparable. BUT...

"WHY DO ALL GOOD THINGS COMES TO AN END.. FLAMES TO DUST.."
one serious fight regarding yet another nonsensical thing and Ekantika snapped and told him to not to call her ever again, he was depressed, he was shattered, she was the 1st girl he ever loved and now she was gone, was she?
Ekantika was equally depressed, did she do the right thing, was it right for her to let go of that one guy she thought she would keep loving till her last breath...

she was distraught, her ego being too big to apologize to him, Advay being too tattered to call her and cry his heart out....

WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN? WILL SHE LET HIM GO?

perhaps some stories never ends and perhaps they even fail to get a perfect ending.....

May be they'll get together, may be they won't , may be there is nothing as such as "Happy Ever After"... may be.....

but this is how it all began...

© Dipannita Saha, 2010

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The picture...

12:46 PM | Labels: poem, sad

The edges of the picture

are beginning to fade away

The color isn’t as bright

As when we took it that day

I remember the day when we met,

running together towards the gate.

It was the 1st day in college,

that was when I saw you..

I remember the day the picture was taken,

I was as usualsad and broken.

You came upto me with your dazzling smile

'Lets take a picture' you said, 'everything would be alright'.

The two of us together

It seems like forever ago

Through the years and all the tears

What have we left to show?

A memory here or there

A phone call or two

No reason as to why

We let it all slip through

As I stared a little longer

I began to space

I thought of back when

To a different time and place

I remember all the secrets

That we all somehow forgot

The fights that we got into

We were so close I thought

When I think of all the memories

Each one bring a tear

And as I continue to think

I realize my biggest fear

I remember the day we promised

We’d be best friends forever

Together no matter what

Always and forever

That memory broke my heart

All our fears are coming true

The close friendship we both had

Is finally falling through

The glass in the picture frame is cracked

Just like our friendship it’s falling away

We pretend to do something about it

But it gets worse everyday

As I watch our friendship continue to drift

I can’t help but let the tears fall

Because if we let our friendship go this easily

Maybe we weren’t that close after all…

All I want is to say,

you mean alot to me, don't walk away......

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Random...

8:33 AM | Labels: life, sad, weird thoughts

lately I have been extremely lazy, I actually don't do anything except sleeping and all.. and when I thought about it I got to know it is after all my own fault, its because i wont drag my ass out of the bed every morning.

have also become a loner lately (obviously if I confine myself to home that is bound to happen) , I crib that am lonely but deep inside I do like being alone. being in my own world, doing things my own way in utter solitude. and then again I say am so unhappy and blah blah blah... Is it what human nature to crib all the time though you are happy with what you got? WEIRD...

They say some people are too unlucky/ unfortunate to find happiness. I say are they really? may be they do find it and then when its in the 'too-good' stage just ruin it themselves or don't actually value the happiness, thus... BOOM world just explode for them and all what remains is the ashes of something which was wonderful but they were too dumb to destroy it and again they start cribbing....

It is because of this that people do become loners, its after all their own fault right?

"so am in the trance, things don't make sense, I can't be just normal,

my world keeps crashing down, everything turns out abysmal."

so moral- STOP cribbing, rather work for what you actually want...

but the main question how do you actually figure out what you want? and also what you need?

see I can never find any answers.... SOS!!

adiose

-- Dipannita Saha

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Relationships....

7:50 PM | Labels: life, love, sad

People meet, fall in love and then after a certain period of time choose different path and drift away. after that you are all alone. The question mark is all what is left sometimes with you. you keep on questioning yourself why everything you thought was supposed to be right suddenly shattered like paper castles( tash ke patto ke mahal ki tarah). and you just can't think of a solution, everything in the world seems to be working against you, every single dream of your keeps crashing down.. and you keep asking yourself what if this is how things are supposed to end, what if you are not supposed to get what you want?just sit and think, analyze what went wrong, if even that doesn't seem to help, leave the thing as it is... may be something else is in store... what about broken relationships then one might ask...

are we supposed to leave that too in its tattered condition.. well every relationship has its own course, its just like a river, it might start on a pretty nice course when its young, irrigating several barren lands as it goes... serving to be an elixir to everyone around making everything around it fresh, full of life and positive... then comes the phase of destruction, calamity, when it destroys everything in its way, it gets onto an uneven course in the rain causing floods and in the end gets one with the ocean and dissolves forever... its never dead, this process goes on and on.. same is with a relationship I think, the first few months or even a year is all 'too-good-to-be-true" phase, everything seems lovely, there are no fights, everything is romantic and beautiful in and around you... Then after this phase is over comes the phase of fights, depression and rare romance, where every little thing triggers a heated conversation, everything about one would irate the partner, there would be frequent fights.... and then slowly love seems to fade out... it seems that though you don't wanna leave that person as you love him/her, you tend to speak less, brood and crib more and then in turn fight even more..

that's why sometimes its better that there is a certain distance between two people, too much closeness and intimacy often leads to these problems... from the very beginning make this a point... take everything slow, have a certain pace, don't rush into anything, let time take its own pace, unravel the mystery on it own.... most important TRUST one another, when there's no trust, there is actually no relationship at all. be patient enough, and obviously its not possible to both of the people to be patient at the same time but when one is not the other one should shed his/her ego and try make amends. Specially when its a long distance relationship, problems arise every now and then but if you really love that person, don't let him/her go, if you know S/he's "THE RIGHT ONE", don't let all the love go to vain.

otherwise you might just end up with a broken relationship and even more badly broken and bruised heart.... remember one thing LOVE never dies, its just we somewhere lose ourselves in the whole process..... but this all doesn't mean that you stop showering your partner with all the love you have got but just let all the love sink in, maintain a certain distance, let both of you breathe in your own certain space...

I think that's all I can say as that's all I have personally gathered from every experience I have had and everything I have seen..

-- Dipannita Saha

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As Random As It Can Be

Followers, Stalkers & What not! :P

Visited, Eh?

Nonsense till now!!

And time just runs away...

THIS IS HOW IT BEGAN... a story of two friends deeply in LOVE...

The picture...

Random...

Relationships....