Introduction: Hi this is Abhishek Sahu, the almighty himself (if you think otherwise, I don’t give a shit to your opinion!) and the co-author of this blog though I seldom write here!! One good question may bob up in your head that: Why I’m not writing or posting it in my blog? Answer to this is simple- Female bloggers have more readers :). Now enough about me, girls who wanna know more can mail me and guys- common you’re not faggots!!
Well here I’m posting an interview, which I took, of a fat, ugly and self-centred bitch and believe me after the interview I felt like hitting someone on balls to vent my frustration out.
Some stuffs you should know before hand:
Bitch’s name: Jugni Misra.
Location: Under the open sky, in front of a roadside tea stall.
Tea with Abhi (Coffee is unaffordable)
Me: Hiee Jugni! Glad you could make it for the Interview.
JM: No No! its ok, I hardly move my heavy bum outside my house so..
Me: whatev! As if I care.
*In the mean time tea arrived, but only for me. *
Me: You have to pay for your own Tea. Order if u want, anyways looking at your size you gotta buy the whole fucking kettle.
JM: *giggles*
Me: No am serious here. Anyways what are your hobbies?
JM: Well I like going on dates, I’ve dated almost every fucking faggot in and out skirts of this city. Apart from that..
Me: STFU! Dating is a hobby for you?! In dictionary look for letter “l” then “I” then “f” then “e”, you’ll find a word called life! How can u be so fucking lame?!
JM: *Giggles again*
Me: Stop Giggling, why don’t you get killed! Anyways, your greatest achievement?
JM: Lost 2 kgs in 2 years! Ain’t it just awesome?
*Me looking somewhere else, trying hard to not to listen to the brain fucking shit*
Me: Greatest failure?
JM: I gained that 2 kilos in a single meal, in a wedding party, but believe me I like to eat like dog whenever I go to marriages lol!!
Me: You should re-evaluate your purpose of existence. Are you always this lame?
Greatest disappointment?
JM: Once I scored lowest in my college but…
Me: Okhh so you’re career oriented?
JM: No, No! You’re wrong that’s not my greatest, you didn’t let me complete the sentence, actually my greatest disappointment came few days back when a friend of mine deleted me from her facebook account just because I updated my status as “I am the fatty bitch, beware of me!”
Me: You should be blocked from facebook and hate communities should be made against you. No seriously you suck!
JM: Hey is this interview going to be published on filmfare magazine?
Me: NO!! Not even in those cheap hindi porn magazines!
Your favourite outfit?
JM: Well I am this fat so hardly I have any options. So Salwar Kameez all the time, but to look kewl sometime I wear “tailor stitched” jeans below the salwar. Hardly any company made jeans fit me, lol! Hehe you must be thinking how lame I am, lol!!
Me: Well not anymore, and stop saying lol so frequently I feel like am being hanged by my balls, btw do you know whats lol?!
JM: Er.. No *shows me her tongue*.
Me: Ok leave it you’re a constipated soul anyways. Your dream job?
JM: What Blow..
Me: No… I mean your dream JOB! Not your bloddy fucking gross fantasies. Ok leave this too, tell me how many friends you have?
JM: I have hmmm… *thinking* four no no five actually. You know all of them earn while they learn.
Me: That’s seriously good. What sort of work they do?
JM: Well its like they’re professional escorts.
Me: Escorts? As in?
JM: *Comes closer to me and whispers in my ears* Arey baba Hookers you idiot. Should I book one for you *winks*, don’t worry just for free, you took my interview na that’s why.
Me: What the fuck are you talking? You bloody fucking asshole just shut the fuck up.
JM: *eyes filled with tears* You could have said that politely.
Me: Just Fuck off from here, enough talking.
JM: But don’t you want my address and phone number?
Me: *laughing so loudly that it scared all the stray dogs around* You’re so fat that I can track u up on my google map, and start loosing weight, you’re a walking human time bomb and a big reason for global warming.
Now will just fuck off!
JM: *offers hand shake* Are we meeting again?
Me: *Rudely ignoring handshake* No bitch we aren’t!
*Her phone rings*
JM: Hello?
Something Something shit on the other side.
JM: hmmm, no customers right now? So pick me up from Chandni Chowk!
*I ran from there till my feet started bleeding*
-- Abhishek Sahu
An awful Interview
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Aliens where are you?
woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......boooommm... baaadada badaaaaaa badaaaaaaaaaaaaam........
I wanna get abducted by aliens...
I seriously want to.. Dunno why but I think I would be the best test material for them to understand the human species!!
1) Its fascinating enough for them to get a homo-sapien who actually wants to be abducted and is already ready to be tested and all that!!
2) I would totally understand even if they are mute. ( I think I'll!!) isn't it weird that I believe that I'll understand them?
3) I can be a nice company!! hahaha.. I mean I can send them nice songs through bluetooth!! also I can tell them all the gossip, can introduce them to nice hot girl (provided they are straight that is!!)
4) I would be the most interesting piece for them to get astonished as I can totally display all that they don't require to see in a homo-sapien!! Will fart the most poisonous fart in the history of mankind!! (heheh am so evil!!), I'll take them to shopping, will make them do all my college assignment, will tell them to fight with all the bitches in the college!!
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5) I know am AWESOME and I would be able to establish a wonderful symbiotic relationship with them.. Let me tell you why.. 1st obviously because am awesome (i just can't stop 'self-praising'!) then 2nd because not only I would sneak in their technological secrets and I would give them tasty food in return!!
Ain't I smart....
now all I want is some aliens!!!
P.s.- the most important thing, I think which I should have mentioned before, I need very friendly (read over-friendly) Aliens, who'll treat me like their Queen!! not like those scary War of the World types!!
hey tell me was I being abducted by the aliens or was it other way round?
-- Dipannita Saha
And time just runs away...
And I wait for the clock to tick,been sitting idle, making me all so sick.
The mundane routine just wont budge,
I only walk when given a nudge..
its been such a long while,
saw your twinkling eyes and your smile.
the phone wont ring, the texts wont come,
and i keep looking at the phone like a bum.
strange how you come back to me,
through songs and movies, I hear and see...
I dont even have a guitar I can hum my feelings with,
strings are broken and I can no longer breathe...
LOVE fizzes out they say, nothing is as it seems,
and time just runs away breaking all my dreams.
things falling apart in and around me,
words lost, people dead, nobody seems to hear my plea.
the smiles are fake, friendship long forgotten,
all essence lost, bonds seem stale and rotten..
Of all the silly fights and the long glances,
I remember the faces and all the nuances.
I fight with myself, crawl back into my bed,
brooding over the blood and tears I have shed.
Its all gone now, it was never meant to be,
we would have been happy if only you could trust me.
It was, is and always will be you,
wish had more words and i would have said it to you...
I have lost my all now, I don't know how to be me,
what all has become of me, if only you could see.
LOVE fizzes out they say, nothing is as it seems,
and time just runs away breaking all my dreams...
and time just runs away breaking all my dreams....
© Dipannita Saha, 2010
THIS IS HOW IT BEGAN... a story of two friends deeply in LOVE...
Over with her first unsuccessful, horrendous relationship, Ekantika just couldn't be anymore happy being single again. Its been a tough time for her to get rid of her EX, he was clingy, neurotic and impossible to be with, and now she was finally able to flush him out of her life.
Life was back to normal again amidst all the threatening calls from unknown numbers which she knew was obviously from those drunk menacing bastards trying to suck out the peace out of her life, everything was slowly falling into place. Signing up for cupid-struck.com wasn't just a normal thing for her, it was one of her numerous impulsive decisions (which would eventually lead her to some soup as usual!).
Ekantika was always this naive little piece of sunshine who had nothing in life apart from keeping herself and the people around her happy and of course apart from studying for her exams at the 11th hour, she was pursuing LAW or rather was trying to slog through.
Back to cupid-struck.com, she would hardly ever reply to any mails from any of those "too-desperate-for-a relationship-losers", she was losing interest gradually in that sordid online dating site, well thats Ekantika she could hardly hold interest in a thing for long!!
Of those numerous "cheapskate" as she would coin them, she would reply to one or two and finally finding out that those are of the same category of kids she despises. Guys were like kids for her, according to her innumerable fundas- "Guys are like kids, they are nothing but looking for a mother to pamper them and a new toy everyday to play with (though none of the guys she was friends with would ever admit that). Her funda remained the same, after the days loafing around, she would sit, login and would try to amuse herself with those "kids".
things changed when Advay first messaged her, it was nothing but a simple hello, and after talking for a few days and "critically examining" his profile almost everyday, she thought of finally adding him up to her gmail account.
It was not supposed to be a whirlwind romance or a romance of any kind at all, he matched her frequency, he was fun to talk to, he was like her long lost twin!! They would talk almost everyday, and he would be the first one that she would look up for whenever she went online. he was a nice guy, had a penchant for books and he used to write too, it was really surprising for her to find someone like herself.
It was on diwali that she first called him, just talking normal things, about how he's gonna celebrate and all, the festival lights had ignited a pretty strong friendship..
"YE TUMHARI MERI BAATEIN HAMESHA YUHI CHALTI RAHE"
Then started the extensive increase in both of their phone bills, they would talk for hours or text each other when not talking, whichever way they were always in constant contact. They were friends and almost becoming her first guy best friend (mind you, thats pretty rare according to her). she would tell him all the gossip in around her, all the bitching and he would do the same. Two people almost of the same personality talking all day long, it was as simple as that. starting from his tiresome torturing engineering semester practicals, to his stalking juniors, he would tell her all. she was becoming a part and parcel of his life. they lived far way from each other being in two different cities, distance never came in between their friendship. She would tell him if she got any bad calls from her ex or his friends, and he would promptly take some actions and provided her with a shoulder to cry on. She knew everything about him, he knew everything about her, there was hardly any reason to hide anything anyways.
destiny had something else in mind, amidst all those flirting, sharing things and infinite calls and messages they eventually started liking each other, and well obviously he proposed to her through a text (It was too sweet)." I have been having sleepless nights, and would continue having them till I tell you this I LOVE YOU, will you be my gal?" it read. Ekantika was shell-shocked for a moment, she had expected this sometime later but not too soon, she was in a fix, it has been just over 6 months since she had been in a relationship, and she thought it was too soon to get into one. but she liked him too, she replied him with mindless questions and her erratic excuses, "are you sure you are not drunk?" / "am too emotionally numb to get into a relationship now" / "do you want me to kick your ass?" / "I don't have much strength left in me" / "are you playing april fools' prank on me, its not even april, its december". he just said only one thing to all these statements, "I LOVE YOU, I really don't think anything else would matter", and after many 'tension-filled pacing down her room' Ekantika finally said yes to Advay.
They could make each other laugh, she could make him beg!! It was just perfect, those harmless flirting were growing serious in nature!! They would chat till their fingers pained, talked till their mouth went dry but their conversation would never be put to stop!!
She was really falling head over heels for him despite of numerous distractions starting from professor's son to her next door neighbor to the cute guy in metro she saw daily to her friend's brother. She managed to stay with him. Months passed just perfectly and Advay gave a surprise to her by visiting her on her birthday. It was all so special, flowers candles, love... and they made LOVE for the very first time... she was dead sure this relationship was surely going to last, they grew even more closer and his visits to her town became even more frequent.
They would roam around all the time, laughing, watching every damn movie, checking every food stall (well sometime that resulted in frequent visits to bathroom!!) they were the best friends who were in love, and who's friendship grew every minute, who's love grew every second.
and so grew the age old pregnancy scare, you leave two people deeply in love raging with hormones alone, that is supposed to happen. but nothing affected them (she wasn't pregnant!!). she would inspire him to write, he would coax her to study, all went well.
there were frequent fights as usual, and frequent was the sorry session and the smiles after that. He aced his campus placement job (he tried all his jokes there too, and despite of him believing he won't clear it and Ekantika's undying trust on his sense of humor and obviously on his capabilities) and temporarily shifted to her town till they called him up. they would meet up with their friends, do nonsensical chatting, disturbing people around, they were just inseparable. BUT...
"WHY DO ALL GOOD THINGS COMES TO AN END.. FLAMES TO DUST.."
one serious fight regarding yet another nonsensical thing and Ekantika snapped and told him to not to call her ever again, he was depressed, he was shattered, she was the 1st girl he ever loved and now she was gone, was she?
Ekantika was equally depressed, did she do the right thing, was it right for her to let go of that one guy she thought she would keep loving till her last breath...
she was distraught, her ego being too big to apologize to him, Advay being too tattered to call her and cry his heart out....
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN? WILL SHE LET HIM GO?
perhaps some stories never ends and perhaps they even fail to get a perfect ending.....
May be they'll get together, may be they won't , may be there is nothing as such as "Happy Ever After"... may be.....
but this is how it all began...
© Dipannita Saha, 2010
Life was back to normal again amidst all the threatening calls from unknown numbers which she knew was obviously from those drunk menacing bastards trying to suck out the peace out of her life, everything was slowly falling into place. Signing up for cupid-struck.com wasn't just a normal thing for her, it was one of her numerous impulsive decisions (which would eventually lead her to some soup as usual!).
Ekantika was always this naive little piece of sunshine who had nothing in life apart from keeping herself and the people around her happy and of course apart from studying for her exams at the 11th hour, she was pursuing LAW or rather was trying to slog through.
Back to cupid-struck.com, she would hardly ever reply to any mails from any of those "too-desperate-for-a relationship-losers", she was losing interest gradually in that sordid online dating site, well thats Ekantika she could hardly hold interest in a thing for long!!
Of those numerous "cheapskate" as she would coin them, she would reply to one or two and finally finding out that those are of the same category of kids she despises. Guys were like kids for her, according to her innumerable fundas- "Guys are like kids, they are nothing but looking for a mother to pamper them and a new toy everyday to play with (though none of the guys she was friends with would ever admit that). Her funda remained the same, after the days loafing around, she would sit, login and would try to amuse herself with those "kids".
things changed when Advay first messaged her, it was nothing but a simple hello, and after talking for a few days and "critically examining" his profile almost everyday, she thought of finally adding him up to her gmail account.
It was not supposed to be a whirlwind romance or a romance of any kind at all, he matched her frequency, he was fun to talk to, he was like her long lost twin!! They would talk almost everyday, and he would be the first one that she would look up for whenever she went online. he was a nice guy, had a penchant for books and he used to write too, it was really surprising for her to find someone like herself.
It was on diwali that she first called him, just talking normal things, about how he's gonna celebrate and all, the festival lights had ignited a pretty strong friendship..
"YE TUMHARI MERI BAATEIN HAMESHA YUHI CHALTI RAHE"
Then started the extensive increase in both of their phone bills, they would talk for hours or text each other when not talking, whichever way they were always in constant contact. They were friends and almost becoming her first guy best friend (mind you, thats pretty rare according to her). she would tell him all the gossip in around her, all the bitching and he would do the same. Two people almost of the same personality talking all day long, it was as simple as that. starting from his tiresome torturing engineering semester practicals, to his stalking juniors, he would tell her all. she was becoming a part and parcel of his life. they lived far way from each other being in two different cities, distance never came in between their friendship. She would tell him if she got any bad calls from her ex or his friends, and he would promptly take some actions and provided her with a shoulder to cry on. She knew everything about him, he knew everything about her, there was hardly any reason to hide anything anyways.
destiny had something else in mind, amidst all those flirting, sharing things and infinite calls and messages they eventually started liking each other, and well obviously he proposed to her through a text (It was too sweet)." I have been having sleepless nights, and would continue having them till I tell you this I LOVE YOU, will you be my gal?" it read. Ekantika was shell-shocked for a moment, she had expected this sometime later but not too soon, she was in a fix, it has been just over 6 months since she had been in a relationship, and she thought it was too soon to get into one. but she liked him too, she replied him with mindless questions and her erratic excuses, "are you sure you are not drunk?" / "am too emotionally numb to get into a relationship now" / "do you want me to kick your ass?" / "I don't have much strength left in me" / "are you playing april fools' prank on me, its not even april, its december". he just said only one thing to all these statements, "I LOVE YOU, I really don't think anything else would matter", and after many 'tension-filled pacing down her room' Ekantika finally said yes to Advay.
They could make each other laugh, she could make him beg!! It was just perfect, those harmless flirting were growing serious in nature!! They would chat till their fingers pained, talked till their mouth went dry but their conversation would never be put to stop!!
She was really falling head over heels for him despite of numerous distractions starting from professor's son to her next door neighbor to the cute guy in metro she saw daily to her friend's brother. She managed to stay with him. Months passed just perfectly and Advay gave a surprise to her by visiting her on her birthday. It was all so special, flowers candles, love... and they made LOVE for the very first time... she was dead sure this relationship was surely going to last, they grew even more closer and his visits to her town became even more frequent.
They would roam around all the time, laughing, watching every damn movie, checking every food stall (well sometime that resulted in frequent visits to bathroom!!) they were the best friends who were in love, and who's friendship grew every minute, who's love grew every second.
and so grew the age old pregnancy scare, you leave two people deeply in love raging with hormones alone, that is supposed to happen. but nothing affected them (she wasn't pregnant!!). she would inspire him to write, he would coax her to study, all went well.
there were frequent fights as usual, and frequent was the sorry session and the smiles after that. He aced his campus placement job (he tried all his jokes there too, and despite of him believing he won't clear it and Ekantika's undying trust on his sense of humor and obviously on his capabilities) and temporarily shifted to her town till they called him up. they would meet up with their friends, do nonsensical chatting, disturbing people around, they were just inseparable. BUT...
"WHY DO ALL GOOD THINGS COMES TO AN END.. FLAMES TO DUST.."
one serious fight regarding yet another nonsensical thing and Ekantika snapped and told him to not to call her ever again, he was depressed, he was shattered, she was the 1st girl he ever loved and now she was gone, was she?
Ekantika was equally depressed, did she do the right thing, was it right for her to let go of that one guy she thought she would keep loving till her last breath...
she was distraught, her ego being too big to apologize to him, Advay being too tattered to call her and cry his heart out....
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN? WILL SHE LET HIM GO?
perhaps some stories never ends and perhaps they even fail to get a perfect ending.....
May be they'll get together, may be they won't , may be there is nothing as such as "Happy Ever After"... may be.....
but this is how it all began...
© Dipannita Saha, 2010
The picture...
The edges of the picture
are beginning to fade away
The color isn’t as bright
As when we took it that day
I remember the day when we met,
running together towards the gate.
It was the 1st day in college,
that was when I saw you..
I remember the day the picture was taken,
I was as usualsad and broken.
You came upto me with your dazzling smile
'Lets take a picture' you said, 'everything would be alright'.
The two of us together
It seems like forever ago
Through the years and all the tears
What have we left to show?
A memory here or there
A phone call or two
No reason as to why
We let it all slip through
As I stared a little longer
I began to space
I thought of back when
To a different time and place
I remember all the secrets
That we all somehow forgot
The fights that we got into
We were so close I thought
When I think of all the memories
Each one bring a tear
And as I continue to think
I realize my biggest fear
I remember the day we promised
We’d be best friends forever
Together no matter whatAlways and forever
That memory broke my heart
All our fears are coming true
The close friendship we both had
Is finally falling through
The glass in the picture frame is cracked
Just like our friendship it’s falling away
We pretend to do something about it
But it gets worse everyday
As I watch our friendship continue to drift
I can’t help but let the tears fall
Because if we let our friendship go this easily
Maybe we weren’t that close after all…
All I want is to say,
you mean alot to me, don't walk away......
© Dipannita Saha, 2010
YOU adorn my night sky...
From those mild whispers, to those sleepless nights.
From holding hands, to those long looks.
From the 1st kisses,to the frequent I love you's.
from the bad fights, to the 'making up' talks.
From loving you, to musing about you all day long,
From writing your name on my hand, to forming non-rhyming poem of love,
'YOU' are the one on my mind.......
And whenever I can't go on, I tremble and fall,
you reach my hand, help me rise above all.
Through the uphill battles, through the narrow lanes,
being by my side, calming me, take away all my pains.
Your wit that makes me laugh, your sensible demure, your charm,
you always manage to melt me away in your arms..
The stroll in the park, my tantrums for an ice-cream,
my whims about a dress, my incessant habit to scream!!
your soul in my soul, your sensible ways to cajole.
your smile, the twinkle in your eyes
mere touch which makes me go that extra mile.
hovering my mind, YOU are the only one.
Every time I hear your voice, It makes my heart rejoice.
The conversation we have, the time spent together,
I replay it in my mind, last days and days after forever.
My love, my anger, your voice, your guitar,
So overpowering is your presence, I feel you even when you are far.
Fireworks in my mind and around,
with every touch crossing leaps and bounds.
Finding myself in you, looking into your eyes,
you are the star, the moon that every night adorns my sky.
YOU are the moon, the star that adorns my Night-Sky....
© Dipannita Saha, 2010
© Dipannita Saha, 2010
The girl next door...
Looking out the window,rain pouring down the street,she kept sitting there,staring blank.
wondering if he was the reason behind her speedy heartbeats.
she wore specs,was never considered hot,
geek was her name, every one used to tease her a lot.
she was always unnoticed,
never asked for more.
she was the girl next door.
It all started few months back,
when he moved down her block.
She saw him while leaving for college.
standing in the passage helping
his parents with all the baggage.
sweaty on a summer morning,loaded with all the boxes.
she was awestruck couldn't just,stop giving him those long glances.
even then she remained unnoticed,
and didn't ask for more,she was indeed the girl next door.
surprise came, when he took admission in her class,
she just couldn't gather courage to talk, alas!
had cute dimple, light brown eyes and was very smart,
with a charismatic persona that played a hypnotic part.
he got friendly with one of her friends who bitched about her a lot,
she never really loved him but her lie was never caught.
she dumped him for a senior and never noticed those tears,
our girl silently cried,his sad face was like thousand spears.
everyday she would listen to his sad voice on his guitar
making her morning sad yet bright, he was indeed a rockstar.
some months later, they got a project to do together,
she was ecstatic, went over his place on a nice weather.
they got talking and the boy got to know,
our gal was simply cool and was not at all a foe.
she was now no longer unnoticed
yet didn't ask for more, she was the sweet girl next door.
time slowly passed and they became the best of friends,
used to hang out often, studied together on weekends.
the guy started falling for her and she had no clue,
she was head over heels for him, everything felt just new.
he wanted to tell her how he felt but was scared,
she might just break his heart and thus never dared.
one day while studying he found her diary,his heart skipped a beat,
it was filled with his name, it was all so sweet.
he confessed to her on her b'day,several roses in his hand.
fumbling trembling all the way went to her and
kneeling down he said, "you are the one I always wanted
I hope you don't consider me unwanted,
without you my world is just incomplete,
don't be silent, don't get cold feet.
I wish you be with me and fill my life with sunshine,
don't fret I'll be with you just tell me once you are mine"
she took out the roses she had hidden behind
they both hugged and and their souls intertwined.
she noticed him, he noticed her,
they lived happily ever after..
she had all she ever wanted,
need not ask for more
she was his girl next door..
© Dipannita Saha, 2010
writer's block...
uff its been ages I last wrote even a line in my blog... dude its like a writer
's block... can't figure out what exactly to fill my blog with so what I have thought is that am gonna start posting my poems that I have written till now...I guess thats not much of a bad idea now is it?-- Dipannita Saha
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