An awful Interview

Introduction: Hi this is Abhishek Sahu, the almighty himself (if you think otherwise, I don’t give a shit to your opinion!) and the co-author of this blog though I seldom write here!! One good question may bob up in your head that: Why I’m not writing or posting it in my blog? Answer to this is simple- Female bloggers have more readers :). Now enough about me, girls who wanna know more can mail me and guys- common you’re not faggots!!

Well here I’m posting an interview, which I took, of a fat, ugly and self-centred bitch and believe me after the interview I felt like hitting someone on balls to vent my frustration out.
Some stuffs you should know before hand:
Bitch’s name: Jugni Misra.
Location: Under the open sky, in front of a roadside tea stall.

Tea with Abhi (Coffee is unaffordable)
Me: Hiee Jugni! Glad you could make it for the Interview.
JM: No No! its ok, I hardly move my heavy bum outside my house so..
Me: whatev! As if I care.
*In the mean time tea arrived, but only for me. *
Me: You have to pay for your own Tea. Order if u want, anyways looking at your size you gotta buy the whole fucking kettle.
JM: *giggles*
Me: No am serious here. Anyways what are your hobbies?
JM: Well I like going on dates, I’ve dated almost every fucking faggot in and out skirts of this city. Apart from that..
Me: STFU! Dating is a hobby for you?! In dictionary look for letter “l” then “I” then “f” then “e”, you’ll find a word called life! How can u be so fucking lame?!
JM: *Giggles again*
Me: Stop Giggling, why don’t you get killed! Anyways, your greatest achievement?
JM: Lost 2 kgs in 2 years! Ain’t it just awesome?
*Me looking somewhere else, trying hard to not to listen to the brain fucking shit*
Me: Greatest failure?
JM: I gained that 2 kilos in a single meal, in a wedding party, but believe me I like to eat like dog whenever I go to marriages lol!!
Me: You should re-evaluate your purpose of existence. Are you always this lame?
Greatest disappointment?
JM: Once I scored lowest in my college but…
Me: Okhh so you’re career oriented?
JM: No, No! You’re wrong that’s not my greatest, you didn’t let me complete the sentence, actually my greatest disappointment came few days back when a friend of mine deleted me from her facebook account just because I updated my status as “I am the fatty bitch, beware of me!”
Me: You should be blocked from facebook and hate communities should be made against you. No seriously you suck!
JM: Hey is this interview going to be published on filmfare magazine?
Me: NO!! Not even in those cheap hindi porn magazines!
Your favourite outfit?
JM: Well I am this fat so hardly I have any options. So Salwar Kameez all the time, but to look kewl sometime I wear “tailor stitched” jeans below the salwar. Hardly any company made jeans fit me, lol! Hehe you must be thinking how lame I am, lol!!
Me: Well not anymore, and stop saying lol so frequently I feel like am being hanged by my balls, btw do you know whats lol?!
JM: Er.. No *shows me her tongue*.
Me: Ok leave it you’re a constipated soul anyways. Your dream job?
JM: What Blow..
Me: No… I mean your dream JOB! Not your bloddy fucking gross fantasies. Ok leave this too, tell me how many friends you have?
JM: I have hmmm… *thinking* four no no five actually. You know all of them earn while they learn.
Me: That’s seriously good. What sort of work they do?
JM: Well its like they’re professional escorts.
Me: Escorts? As in?
JM: *Comes closer to me and whispers in my ears* Arey baba Hookers you idiot. Should I book one for you *winks*, don’t worry just for free, you took my interview na that’s why.
Me: What the fuck are you talking? You bloody fucking asshole just shut the fuck up.
JM: *eyes filled with tears* You could have said that politely.
Me: Just Fuck off from here, enough talking.
JM: But don’t you want my address and phone number?
Me: *laughing so loudly that it scared all the stray dogs around* You’re so fat that I can track u up on my google map, and start loosing weight, you’re a walking human time bomb and a big reason for global warming.
Now will just fuck off!
JM: *offers hand shake* Are we meeting again?
Me: *Rudely ignoring handshake* No bitch we aren’t!
*Her phone rings*
JM: Hello?
Something Something shit on the other side.
JM: hmmm, no customers right now? So pick me up from Chandni Chowk!
*I ran from there till my feet started bleeding*


-- Abhishek Sahu